Tuesday, 15 March 2016

Meet the Beavers

If you have been following along on this homage voyage for James Beaver you may wonder where he came from?, what bloodline?, what stock?...well if you have been wondering, wonder no more, as I now present:

Meet the parents:

Edgar Ichabod Beaver was born  to a large family of housebuilding Beavers.  He was unfortunate to not share the Beaver family carpentry skills, nor did he share their beautiful big teeth.  In fact he didn't resemble one single family member, leading his mother to declare that he had been left by the fairies.  Though wingless, poor Eddie believed her and spent hist first 20 years in search of his fairy family. Eventually he gave up when he found a pair of bongos in some tall grass.  

After only a little practice he began playing on street corners, a true bongo aficionado.  Before he knew what was happening he'd been adopted by a group of poetry-reading, finger snapping beatniks.  

Life was grand for a while, but eventually Eddie got too wired from all the little cups of caffeine and burnt all his hair off ironing it and had to give up the coffee houses and the beatnik life

With no family, no trade, and his only possession a couplet of bongos, Eddie decided all he could do was to become a professor of existentialist music. After perfecting his new professorial look with a dashing olive green checked sport coat with leather patches on the elbows and a pair of heavy black glasses he exited the five and dime and ran headlong into the loveliest girl he'd ever seen.  He was so flabbergasted, he nearly dropped his bongos into the gutter.

Ermagerd Velma Castor stood before him as radiant as an aluminium star on on a silver tinsel Xmas tree.                                                                                                                      

With her auburn hair and impeccable white bobby socks, Edgar could hardly stand the glamour and had to avert his eyes.  She was truly the most gorgeous creature he had ever seen and he had fallen straight into a bucket of sticky true love. He dropped to one knee and pledged his undying love for the creature and begged her to marry him. While surprised, Ermagerd (who secretly feared being an old spinster maid), hitched her star to Edgar's wagon and immediately agreed. They soon wed.

Life was blissful in the early 1960s for the couple as Ermagerd emulated the first lady, Jackie Kennedy and Edgar practised his bongos and making the perfect Martini. The only tragedy occurred when he accidentally spilled some on their new comforter. Eventually one thing led to another and the stork delivered them a bouncing baby boy one cold December day that they named James.

And that is the real and truly true story of how this Beaver boy came to be.

Have a wicked Wednesday, Beaver fans!

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